Five Pro Tips for Avoiding The Guilt Tripped Christmas Sunday Church Service

We have all looked at the calendar this year and know what's coming.  Yep, Christmas falls on a Sunday and you're dreading going back home. Lucky for you, heathens, you'll most likely be getting guilt tripped by Aunt Mary-Ruth into going with your extended family to a service filled with dusty hymnals and alter calls. For the Catholics, Christmas Mass is always a "Holy Day of Obligation" no matter what day it falls on. For organic loving liberals, it's mainly a chance to get caught up on the year's Best Picture nominations. But for those of you lukewarm Christians somewhere in between, Christmas falling on a Sunday causes problems: you have no excuse not to pay your indulgences, pull out the checkbook and rediscover the third verse of O Holy Night. And that's why I'm here: to give you these valuable excuses! So without further adieu, here's how you get out of morning service:

5. Tell Your Parents You're going to "Midnight Mass" instead, (the Glitter Themed Costume Party at Your Old Dance Club in High School). 
So your college World Religions 101 course illuminated your universe, but you don't want your parents to know about it?  That's fair enough.  Families are built on the assumption that Daddy knows best and Mommy acts like she cares.  So don't rock the boat. Don't ruin the Christmas experience for all of your siblings by bringing up your Nieztchean whackadoodle, you're such an elitist.  Just one up them instead.  "Excuse me, family? I will be attending my Christmas service tonight at midnight to honor the birth of our savior in the most sacred way possible--under candlelight and incense."  Then dress up as slutty Santa and go dance the night away at The Eagle.

4. You Want to Try Out Your Friend's New Church on the Other Side of Town
So you were too afraid to take your VIP pass to The Eagle and ended up sleeping on a stomach of peanut butter brittle and caramel corn (fatty).  Not to worry.  Contact one of your long lost friends from high school and ask to go to "church" with them.  The choice of friend here is crucial.  Selecting a friend who's too hedonistic will result in major amounts of suspicion by your parents.  Yeah, you can conjure up a story about your friend's renewed convictions-- their purchase of every Michael W. Smith CD and their mission trip to Algeria-- that's all nice, but how much do you want to work here?  And you don't want to produce a situation that ends up being worse than it already is. On the other hand, choosing a friend who actually goes to church will probably land you in a pew.  Fail.

3. Your Mom's Homemade Eggnog Had a Little Too much Egg and not enough "Nog." 
The classic excuse: I'm sick.  Hey it worked when you were five, why not bring it out again now?  It's best to use descriptive language like "I feel like I'm going to regurgitate a bubbly amalgamation of sanguine cranberry sauce, greasy sausage casserole and the eight oatmeal raisin cookies I ate this morning." Walk in a hunchback fashion, clenching your stomach, and point out the frequency with which you are using to the bathroom.  Think of questions to ask about the service when they return, and if all goes well you can catch up on True Blood while they're gone.

2. Blackmail Your Parents by Threatening to tell the Church Congregation about Their Copious Alcohol Imbibing 
Like Adele says, "Set fire to the rain." Sure they are just trying to be good parents, keep you in God's good graces; that doesn't mean you need to stay civil about it!  Go for the jugular, you were there when the waiter forgot to charge them for your meal and they didn't do anything.  Does mommy have a profanity problem?  Exploit it!  Again it's a balancing act.  You could bring up that time they went drunk to your fifth grade parent teacher conference but you might want to keep the whole "Billy's daddy ain't my daddy" secret hush hush...at least if Billy's back from prison by the time you get back into town.


1. You've Backslidden. Man Up Sucker.

Best bet, just say no.  Yeah, you may be engendering a decades long rift between you and your heavenbound family members but isn't it nice to know that you're holding your ground on what you believe in? You've come so far into adulthood to be pressured back into being a child now.  The modern church doesn't even represent the first century Christian model anyways! Love thy neighbor is the greatest commandment and you just went on your second date with the girl next door!  You're practically a saint for lending your copy of Dune to your coworker.  Don't fret.  It's just a church service and more likely than not they'll just sleep through it anyways.

And besides you still have two episodes of True Blood to watch.

12 Things to Consider when Buying Christmas Gifts for that Special Gay in Your Life

"Gay apparel"

So Christmas is upon us. Can you smell the pine needles in the office cubicles from over enthusiastic interior decorators trying to blend that line between "work" and "life?" Have you been accosted by the Salvation Army bell ringers' guilt trips? Have you reconciled your displeasure in the fact that the holiday season remains a commercialized blitzkrieg and has now even abandoned human interaction for the sterility of online shopping? Welcome. You are home.

But the people love the toys! How can you resist!? And that's what I want to talk about today: what to give the people for Christmas who mean the most to you (i.e. your gay friends).

Gays are a picky people; I should know--I've dated tons of them. So don't just pull up any national known brand name website and purchase, wrap, and deliver a $25 gift card: they are looking for something more than just your average perfunctory gifting! What's worse, they will punish you if you don't succeed! So, with great care (first thing to come in my head), I have assembled the 12 things that everyone should know when purchasing Christmas presents for the Gays, capital "G".

12. No matter what you think, it is too pedestrian. Wal-mart, Costco...The Sharper Image, I'm looking at you. Don't do it people! Don't give the gift of popcorn barrels and chocolate boxes, it's just so drab! If you're going to go through the trouble of even buying a present at least don't include it between your trips to get groceries and squirrel feed. And don't think these novelty gift stores where you go to buy 8 cylinder massage chairs are any different. They exist for you, the lazy, who has to have someone else tell them what is "soooooo hot" right now. We're going to make you better than that!

11. If you give the same present to another friend, you might as well include the receipt. Look, we gays understand that we aren't the only nephew on your Christmas list and we understand that there are the three other male and six other female young adults you're buying for, we can tend to get bunched together. They're all Millenials! Gen Y! Entitled little pricks! We're all the same really, so you can just buy us all iPod Nano's right? As if they were still cool. No! Take the time to at least act like you have insight into my personality. That way I won't just take the receipt and return it for some Day after Christmas Sale credit on eBay.

10. Always Include the Receipt Anyway. Who was I kidding, I'm just going to return it for Day after Christmas Sale credit on eBay.

9. A Good Wrapping Job is Worth at Least an Extra $75 in Value. Crisp edges, laced ribbon, custom made gift tags; these are what we're looking for people! What you think that just because I am 24 and only have two years left on your Obamasurance that I don't like ripping into the most perfectly constructed 90 degree angles I've seen since the seventh grade? Shoot. Don't just bag and crepe paper it either; I'm looking for effort here, and it's already clear the contents of said present are not going to impress me. You can control this. Own it.

8. Gifts Tangential to Alcohol are Preferred-But Don't Make it Fucking Obvious There is a way into the gays heart, and unlike straights, (fatties), it's not the stomach, it's the liver. Oh, so you thought Manhattan was a New York City borough? Looks like we have some drinking to do. But for Santa's sakes, don't wrap up a Jose Cuervo handle! So neanderthal. What are you thinking? Here, this is what the exchange looks like: buy some nice glassware, martini glasses for instance, a board game that "everyone in Provincetown is playing right now" and schedule a game night. That's it. "COSMOS GURLS!" says one of the gays. And everyone's happy. See that? That's manipulation into us thinking you weren't already planning that. End scene.

7. Your Gift Will Inescapably Be Used to Estimate Your Wealth Guys? Guys? Guys? Can I talk to you for a second please?! There's some things that we need to discuss. When you're at a White Elephant party, don't buy a discount Snuggie because you think it's just SO ironic. Yeah it's purple and everyone had their open back shower rugs draping off their arms for about a year. Don't do it. Your need for monetary affirmation is better than that. You can't let this opportunity to "accidentally forget the $15 limit" pass you by! Because I certainly won't. "What's that? You think the components of my homemade wine and cheese picnic set retail over $90? SHUT UP!" No but really they do, because I can.

6. Plants, Fish, Cats, Dogs, and Children are Expressly Prohibited Gift Ideas We don't do "daily displays of responsibility;" the orchid looks better as my iPad wallpaper.

5. Know Your Musicals We're getting down to the critical points now. For god's sake, if you're going to step into the realm of musical theater, you better be ready to play. Bette Midler may be everything to every gay born before 1975 but she means jack shit to me. Wicked, on the other hand, is trending VERY well now in the younger demographic. Hair and West Side Story are nice for the elitists. Andrew Lloyd Weber usually doesn't disappoint. Best option: just buy the Glee soundtracks.

4. When Possible, Avoid Books Hmmm, how do I say this? Books are great for planes, ellipticals, and "coffee days." We're smart, we've read The Picture of Dorian Gray just like the next guy...well... Anyways, books don't, however, serve much good when getting dolled up for amateur strip night over a row of sugared lemon drops, and if you think I'm talking candy, please refer to number 8. Audio Book? Great! iPad compatible? Wonderful! I'll get to it during my Miami layover. Just don't expect a book report anytime soon.

3. Ornately Decorated Home Baked Assorted Pastries will Buy you Sainthood "Oh.My.God. Did you bake these macarons yourself? Are those edible crystals? Glitter?! And the little box! Love! It!" The preceding reactions will ensure that you have the most unique and envied gift among your gay giving peers. Now just go spend a couple months figuring out how to bake that, or just buy some from your Beard Award Winning local bakery, and refer to number 9 for some personalized wrapping tips.

2. Never Buy Clothes, Your Aesthetic is Wrong Just don't. I don't want to wear your turtle necks no matter how many Brad from the Rachel Zoe Project wore. And don't say you consulted GQ, like that costs more than $10 bucks in print, free online. You're not winning any points here. In every case, you cannot win. I don't want your clothes. Go. Go. Where's the receipt? Macy's? And you now look cheap. The ritual of shopping is sacred among gays and as lookers-on you must honor its sanctity.

1. Giving the Gift of Jeans Two Sizes Too Small, Along with the Comment, "But you always look so good in skinny jeans!" Will Procure You Eternal Love. Finally, the most important rule for buying gifts for gays, the gift of assumed skinniness. Yeah, I don't "fit" into Ben Sherman. Yeah, I "grew out of size small" in the third grade. You don't know that. And if you do, now's not the time to come clean. It is paramount that you, as the neanderthal, view rule 2 in light of rule 1: rule 1 is not the gift of clothes. It is the gift of giving a gay what every boy dreams of: a size 24 waist. You know by now that I'll be returning it, and that you have no sense of style. Just let me look at it, hold it up, look at the inside tag, and proclaim "yep, you know my size!" in front of all my boys. I will never try it on, I will never even conjure up outfits. I will dream of fitting into its tight inseams and dance alone naked to Glee's cover of "Don't Stop Believing" with some crap chocolate I bought on the way home from Whole Foods. Done.

Well that's it, now you know what you need to do in the next week for all the gays in your life!

The PNB's Nutcracker was Amazing!

Last night, I went all out for the most elaborate first date I've organized (most of my first dates usually involve the words "grande" or "on tap"). I decided to buy tickets to the Pacific Northwest Ballet's 2011 production of Tchaikovsky's The Nutcracker. It was the best decision ever. Now, I'm not a ballet aficionado so I won't even begin to do an artistic critique of the production but I will tell you that the experience was hypnotizing.

Even for those of you who haven't experienced ballet, I highly suggest going and seeing the piece before the season ends. Almost every major city has a production of it around this time of year and you will certainly recognize many of the pieces (mostly in the second act).

One word of advice: ballet's are not movies, musicals, or even operas--so don't expect them to be. They are something entirely different. Especially for Tchaikovsky's pieces (I've also seen Swan Lake and Sleeping Beauty), the story is simply a loose thread to combine the movements. Read the story beforehand so you know what is going to happen, but don't stay fixed on it. Enjoy the dancing just like you would enjoy a painting and get lost in the colors and details (which PNB highlighted so well).

I think it's great to get out and experience arts that you may not have much connection to; it's great for inspiration.

The Stranger Posted my Letter to the Editor!

Hi everyone!

Last night I was in a cafe before a date, thumbing through The Stranger (Seattle's alternative newspaper), and I came up on an article about marijuana legalization. Contained therein, was an argument that legalizing pot would have life saving effects for current pot distributors. I didn't buy it.

So, this morning, with my pajamas still on and the taste of Cranberry-Vodkas still in my mouth, I wrote a letter to the editor saying how I disagreed. I felt they were only looking at a sliver of the picture without analyzing the full forecast a legalization would engender. And, well, they posted it!

Not only am I excited my opinions have now entered public discourse, this is a really exciting event for me as a writer, and I'm stoked :D

Click here to read the article!

Secretary Clinton's Monumental LGBT Speech to the UN. Now What?

On December 6th, Secretary Clinton addressed the United Nations in Geneva in a speech entitled "Free and Equal in Dignity and Rights." I have pasted the entire speech above but a quick Google search can give you the highlights of what was truly a groundbreaking moment for pushing LGBT rights on an international level. Clinton boldly proclaimed that "human rights are gay rights, and gay rights are human rights;" " Like being a woman, like being a racial, religious, tribal, or ethnic minority, being LGBT does not make you less human;" and "It was not only those who’ve justified slavery who leaned on religion, it was also those who sought to abolish it."

LGBT advocacy groups went crazy after hearing a completely unequivocal call to manifest the equal rights that LGBT humans are entitled to. Secretary Clinton gave no qualifications, no caveats, and no open doors through which opponents could find safety in their misguided views. She simply said LGBT people are humans, they deserve all human rights. End of story. The LGBT community finally saw the shameless leader they had been looking for.

But where do we go from here? 2011 has been historically significant in other ways already: the end of Don't Ask Don't Tell, the legalization of same-sex marriage in New York and India, and various other legislative advancements around the world have brought us much joy. The fight is not over, though. The overarching Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and the proceedings of Proposition 8 still hang forcibly in the air, and with election season already showing punches will be thrown at the gay community, much work remains at combating general homophobia and heterosexism. What will the next chapter in LGBT rights look like?

If one thing is for sure we cannot go at this fight alone. We need our straight allies to add numbers, voice, and volume to our arguments to show that this is not simply a stubborn minority looking for additional privileges, but a movement to bring about full and complete equality for our community. Kids are killing themselves because they do not like the world and the life they have been born into. This is about life and death. Still, many more LGBT live lives filled with depression, anxiety, drug use, and unhappiness. When will LGBT youth be able to live publicly as the people they are with no stigma or judgment? We need to call on our straight allies and supporters to speak up when the conversation turns to LGBT subjects and present a loving, supportive voice for the opponents.

But even more, WE the LGBT community need to be united. I know that in my own experience I have seen gay men flat out deride each other over race, weight, voice, mannerisms, status, etc. Some of this is inevitable, but how can we present a strong movement if our own base is fractured? We must join together and look past our artificial labels if we want to have the means to topple bigotry. Furthermore, we need to fully accept bisexuality as a legitimate, defined sexuality and transgendered people as full members of our community. Many bisexuals write off any thought of joining the LGBT movement because they don't want to be turned into something they are not. It was only this year, even, when scientists who had promulgated a study dismissing bisexuality as a legitimate sexuality have now redacted it. Transgendered people, also, all too often feel gays would rather wish them away rather than looking after them. A brief look at criminal violence against the LGBT community will reveal a stunning disproportionate amount of transgendered victims.

We need to look constantly for ways in which we can allow our voices to be heard. If you work for a company, ask if there is an LGBT Employee Resource Group (ERG) that you can attend. Write letters to your politicians demanding representation for you. Join community activities that strengthen LGBT equality. And most of all, become a constant force against ill formed logic, misinterpreted religion, and fear mongering. YOU are human. YOU deserve to love whom you love. YOU deserve to live in a world free of violence and emotional distress due to whom you are. Like Secretary Clinton said, "Gay rights are human rights, and human rights are gay rights." Together, we all need to repeat this sentiment whenever any person should have the gall to oppose it.

Hugo 3D: Movie Review

Hey All!

Check out the trailer below.

That was the trailer for Hugo in case you haven't seen it yet. Isn't it breathtaking? It's based on the similarly titled book, The Invention of Hugo Cabret and is a quite simply a beautifully rendered film, a feast for the eyes.

Although I haven't read the book myself, many have--it was the number one Black Friday book sold in 2007, the year of its release. With a strong emphasis on visuals and cinephilia, the book necessitated a bold and brave leap to the silver screen to do it justice: as you can see above, the story centers around the whimsy of early mechanics and cinema. And who better to direct that leap than Martin Scorsese?

Well... that might not have been my first guess. It's not that I would doubt the ability of the legendary director of Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, and The Departed to successfully bring this emotional children's story to life. It's just, you know, a resume of bloody gang movies doesn't seem to flow naturally into the whimsical world of Parisian clockwork and bustling train stations. It was an artistic shift to say the least, but did Scorsese succeed?

Well, sort of.

Let me start with the good parts. Does the film convey the magic of invention, a boy's imagination and pure hearted movie making that characterized the early 20th century? Yes, hands down. The film constantly dazzles the audience with its beautiful architecture and expansive attention to detail. Then, does the film convey a solid emotional arc of lives built up, destroyed and revived? Yeah, it does. I will admit that the movie made me very emotional. So what am I complaining about then, you ask? Well, even with all of that, there's some kind of "umph" missing from the film, something that you sense vaguely at the outset that doesn't fully get addressed.

With a riches to rags to riches narrative, you would expect the story to follow some kind of a Dickensian variation. (A not so subtle allusion to David Copperfield is even made at one point.) However, although it hits on the usual stepping stones, Scorsese's story telling seems burdened under the weight of itself, like a growing child fearful of his own developing strength. Conversations draw out with languid banality. Minor characters flit onto the screen with no real footing. In addition to Hugo searching for his automaton's spare parts the film also seems to be desperately trying to find its true voice.

It's not until well into the film that a very powerful and emotional Scorsese intervenes into the plot, metaphorically, that we are given a sincere vision for what Hugo was meant to be. Unfortunately, as heartfelt as that vision is, it seems like an intruder--as if Hugo (and Hugo) are just conduits for getting across someone else's vision. And even though that vision was utterly breathtaking, I was left feeling like we were missing out on the story we were told we would see. Now, the plot hints that this may have been deliberate, and perhaps that qualifies my sentiments, but even so, I still felt like Hugo was two halves of two different stories.

Overall? This movie ABSOLUTELY MUST be seen in 3D, and when seen such, will provide you a stunning magicality that, more than anything, indoctrinates 3D movie making into the history of legitimate film technique. Go for the experience of film itself, if not for a gripping story line. Perhaps that's what Scorsese wanted: a return to the magic of groundbreaking cinema before we grew accustomed to its illusion.

3 out of 4 stars.

"The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" Trailer

Hey all! So in case you haven't seen it yet (or even if you have) I wanted to share The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trailer with you because I'm getting so excited to see it on December 21st!

Enjoy!

Getting Lost in the Amazon: Part Two - The Craft

Welcome to Part Two of "Getting Lost in the Amazon" where I spew my random thoughts on the changing state of the publishing industry. To be clear, I am a newcomer to this world of query letters and ebooks and royalties and everything else that goes into getting published and making a living in the literary world, but one thing that I haven't seen is an honest to goodness talk about "what's actually going to happen" in the new Amazonian age.

Now, I'm not talking about "more authors!" or "less print!" or the other distress signals that I have seen pop up over the internet and among my writing peers. I'm talking about step by step, nuts and bolts, on how the fundamental world of publishing is going to change in ways that affect you, the writer. Will I have to epublish? Will I have to market in new methods? Now, I can't tell you yes or no with absolute certainty, but like Chess, I think there's enough information out there to look four or five moves out and anticipate what the landscape will look like with some good reasoning.

Last time, I started by setting the groundwork in my last post, the introduction (see below), on what I wanted to go over. Here I want to start going into depth on the first part of my VERY simplified publishing process which includes Craft, Selection, Distribution, Compensation, and Reception.

So, Craft.

How are Amazon and ebooks going to change the way YOU write your novels? Are they? How do we as authors write at the present? We brainstorm ideas, sketch outlines, make character webs, organize character traits, make a rough draft, revise, second draft, revise, (rinse and repeat), find a critique group to help out, and voila, we have a final draft. Now, yes, this is very simplified and I'm going to cut the line at where we take the draft to any sort of professional review (e.g. editor, literary agent), because I talk about that in Selection. But does Amazon have any play in any of the above components of our craft? Not exactly; we don't even think about publishing channels until we have something to show for. But what about inexactly?

Let's dive a bit deeper. In my mind, and likely at the mind of authors wanting to write publishable stories, is the (bitter?) reality that we must write for consumers. This is how books turn into bucks. Yes, it's sad that there simply won't be enough people who like your obscure plot line or obtuse characters to get past the breakeven point, but that's when you adapt it in ways that you feel will be more accessible. That's how it's always been. No change yet. What Amazon (and the digital age in general) has done is transformed entertainment away from reading and towards screens (video games, movies, TV, Kindle, etc). Screens are associated with short term entertainment like cartoons or movies. But in addition, what written entertainment remains has largely been pressured by downsizing: converting stories into bite size pieces which go down easily like candy instead of the turkey and potatoes of classic literature. See here for what I'm talking about.

Furthermore, for the YA writers out there (myself included) take a look at this interesting marketing move done by Scholastic. Rick Riordan, the author of the Percy Jackson series and the 39 Clues series is going to release a seven part short story ebook series later this year. He will be releasing each ebook daily over the course of a week from December 25, 2011 to December 31, 2011. Ever thought of writing a story like that? Seven mini stories? Each story, will come with a playing card and information which can be plugged into a multimedia, interactive platform online for kids to solve puzzles and presumably complete the story. How about that? Websites? Playing cards? This sort of story telling, if successful (and the interactivity of the 39 Clues books which are already out have been very successful) does have the potential to steer how authors craft their books. Have you thought about designing a website to literally tell part of your story for you? How about a video game or playing card set?

Now, I can't say that this type of multi-platform storytelling is the wave of the future, but it highlights the growing assumption that shorter attention spans will necessitate shorter books or at least, smaller bites. Are you planning your own Atlas Shrugged or Les Miserables anytime soon? You may want to reconsider breaking it into a series, website, and playing card set while you're at it.

And it's not just me that thinks shorter stories are an inconvenient truth. I heard a great interview with Seth Godin, director of "The Domino Project," which also discusses some of the changes authors will make in the way they write in light of the new Amazonian landscape. Although largely about distribution, he does mention that no word should be written without purpose and every effort to write succinctly must be made. You can listen to it here (scroll down to the play button).

Ultimately though, I think that Amazon has the least influence over this part of the writing process. We write for readers, not online retailers. If readers expect shorter books than they are the driving factor in that change, not Amazon. We just need to be prepared for how new channels of reaching those readers might change how we craft our stories. Similarly put, if readers want to eat up vampires and werewolves for the next fifty years, then authors better be prepared to give it to them. These things are just supply and demand though, something not even Amazon can influence.

Next time, I'll talk about Selection, which I believe will get into the heart of what I see changing in the publishing industry.

Getting Lost in the Amazon: Part One-Introduction

As an aspiring writer trying to come of age in the digital age, I have a lot of thoughts on how the changing publishing landscape will affect my dream of distributing my stories to the masses. I'm sure you have the same thoughts too if you're reading this.

Everyone's talking about what the new normal in publishing will look like. Will the organized selection, distribution, and payment for books that the traditional model encompassed be replaced with a wild, wild, west where every single idealist has his or her own mediocre novel uploaded to Amazon? Or, will the democratization of near free e-publishing open up the reading community to hordes of new, groundbreaking ideas which had been written off as "unpublishable" in the past?

It's hard to say. But I wanted to spend the next few blog posts covering what I think could be a probable future and simultaneously starting a discussion with fellow readers/writers.

Let me start by describing, in simple terms, how I see the traditional publishing industry, in a series of fundamental components: Craft, Selection, Distribution, Compensation, and Reception. I believe none of these components are vanishing but rather morphing, with emphasis shifting among these areas. Each of the following posts will cover each of these components in more detail.

At the heart of the traditional model, an author must first write his novel (Craft). Simple enough, right? Don't we wish. Then he must be noticed and chosen by a publisher through query letter, pitch, inside contact, etc. (Selection). This is arguably the biggest barrier to entry for writers into the traditional book market, which, I will show has served an integral purpose. After being miraculously selected for publication the publisher/author together negotiate with bookstores, libraries, interest groups, etc. for the sale of books (Distribution). Who cares about these business details though? (Note: you should.)

Also included in the negotiation is how the author, and the publisher, will receive payments (Compensation). Again, on a simple level, the end consumer pays a bookstore directly in cash at the register. These funds go directly or indirectly toward the compensation of the publisher (either on an agency or wholesale model), which in turn fund the compensation of the author (advances, royalties, etc). Lastly, readers react to the book through sentiment, writing reviews, posting best seller lists, holding media interviews, making movie deals, etc. and begin to form a reputation for the author (Reception).

Simple right?

The above is, obviously, an oversimplified depiction of the traditional publishing industry. I would happily accept additions to the basic premise but I think the above is enough to discuss the meat of the changes that we can foresee will happen. The post is getting a little long now but I wanted to set the scene for my logic. In the next post, I'll start with Craft and describe through economic incentives, tastes and preferences, how writers will see their stories altered, if at all.

If you like what you read here or have differing opinions, I would love to hear from you in the comments where we can discuss what we think will happen. Also feel free to forward this to your contacts and bring them into the discussion; diversity of thought makes for the best consensus.

The 'Glee' Approach vs. The 'Weekend' Approach

Recently, I experienced two different artistic experiences of injecting "the gays" onto screens (and yes, gays are still being injected. We're not just there, the way Cinderella stories run rampant in rom-coms or zombies run through theme parks. But we're getting there). For gays, the way this happens can be touchy: a marketing campaign with too many cooks in the kitchen. Do you go hard or soft? Peaceful protest or demanding rights, right now?

Well, that's the fun part right?

My first of two recent experiences I am sure you will be familiar with: Glee. What are your thoughts? Is it over the top "gay in your face" agenda pounding propaganda? Or is it just a modernized version of Saved by the Bell? It's not a staple of my weekly entertainment intake, but when I heard last week's episode was to gush over, complete with boot knocking frenzy, I figured I would take a peek. Glee's director and creative mastermind, Ryan Murphy, has been "bold" on projecting "real" gay characters into his series...yes...Kurt and Blaine have done so much as kiss, rub noses, and canoodle fully clothed on their bed. Groundbreaking, right? As one of my gay coworkers put it, "if that's what America thinks we do, they'll all be in for a big surprise."

But, yes, it is groundbreaking, sort of, and I have to give Murphy some credit. He's a "victim of the times" so to speak. Gays are going through their 1950's right now where shared beds on TV is still a display of hedonism, and where a candid portrayal of a gay person growing up "out" and confident, is an affront to people's world paradigms. So I give him credit, mainly because he's getting the ball rolling. Am I happy that such confidence in gays comes from a show flagrantly devoted to musicals, pop culture, and sex? Maybe not, but I also know that part of changing people's thoughts also requires starting on known territories.

Gays like musicals. Fine.

However, despite the kids gloves handling of the issues, these characters are reaching one of the widest audiences ever. So, that is the first approach, we'll call it The 'Glee' Approach.

Now, my second experience was a little more... brazen. I went to an indie film called "Weekend," and boy was it a treat. The aptly named film takes place over 48 hours from the end of a drunk Friday outing at"Propaganda," a gay night club in Nottingham, UK, through to the end of Sunday. After meeting on the dance floor, two attractive gay men spend the weekend doing everything from sex, to coke, to bumper cars, to amateur art exhibits. But most importantly, they spend the bulk of the film discussing what it means to be gay in a world meant for straight people.

Essentially, the movie is one big meta piece of art.

The more vocal of the two gay men proclaims at one point, "straight people will go to movies about, war, disease, murder, and rape, but if it has gay sex....whoa! they can't go to that. Only the gays will come." And of course, I looked around the theater to see only the prophesied pockets of gay men watching the film. Was it true though? Does gay sex stop straight people from coming in the theater better than a defensive line, or was this just a case of gay people flocking inordinately to see representations of themselves on the big screen? Who knows?

The film's voracious, thought provoking instigator works at the more reserved protagonist as he struggles with his own sexuality. And indeed, in the end, the movie certainly pushed me, an out gay man, to think even further about ideas of self loathing, pride, gay activism, etc. If the Glee Approach had kids gloves on, the Weekend Approach came wielding a sharpened bayonet, at least in terms of pushing gay characters into ultra representative settings. And the actors were spectacular as well.

So then, what do you think is the correct way to continue injecting gay characters into story lines? Should we stay slow, allowing the general public time to acclimate to the warm water before turning up the heat? Or should we push them in, knowing nerves may be singed, but hey, this is life, get over it? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Debut Cologne

Sometimes when I awake,

socks half on,

comforter skewed,

and my nose worn from running,

I smell your cheap, debut cologne.

It's nothing special.

Just a store clerk's commission,

a blind leap into adulthood,

The facades of brands.

But,

It descends from inches above me,

Nonetheless,

a five year old veil,

perfect.

You run your cautious fingers through my hair,

Breathing reluctant cadences on my cheek.

You squirm your legs around mine,

Skin on cold skin,

upsetting the sheets.

You pull me from my sterile dreams.

No better than my clock's alarm,

Or neighbors' screams,

A lone strand of sunlight.

And a million intimacies.

But the veil falls,

and, with it, my nervous sweat.

I gather my arms beneath the pillow,

Cruelly bereft of that cheap perfume.

Just a life made of endless memories,

Five years old,

With others beside.

The hardest, impossible to forget.

Kevin Zimmerman

Copyright © All Rights Reserved

Go the F**k to Sleep, and other sweet nothings to tell your child.

So. I know what you've been thinking since November 1st: It's freaking National Picture Book Idea Month and I have been so negligent in my picture book reading. Don't lie. You had all the makings of an elaborate plan to increase your intake of pretty illustrations and rhyming couplets, but each day, after looking at the annotated calendar of goals and accomplishments that have gone unfinished, you feel like a failure.

NOT TO WORRY ANYMORE!

From the dark mind of newly sleepless father, Adam Mansbach, comes "Go the F**k to Sleep." ...And you thought picture books were simply for the swinging underarm fat of elementary school librarians.

For full disclosure, I have no children, I'm not expecting, I have no friends who are expecting (yet), but, I absolutely loved this book. Maybe it's the fact that I likely said these words when my baby sister, thirteen years my younger came into this planet. Maybe it's the near canonical appreciation my mother has for "Goodnight Moon," which this book clearly plays off of. Most likely, it's my fantasizing that if, (God forbid), I ever have a child, I would actually use this book to lull him/her/it to sleep.

I don't think I actually need to explain the premise here, but, suffice it to say, the book's language would immediately garner an "R" rating while it sweetly, subtly demeans a restless child as she refuses to sleep. Oh, and the audio book is narrated by Samuel L. Jackson. Literary? No. Perfect? Yes.

I got to meet Mansbach tonight at a reading where, among other tidbits of wisdom, he professed his displeasure with the lack of humor in Sweden, had the opportunity to emphatically announce his level of higher education, and took jabs at two of my favorite women in the world: Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb. Overall: quality human being.

But seriously check out this book. It makes for a perfect gift for any mother or father to be. I'll even plug it. Go to Akashic Books, the indie publisher that got it started.

'Sleep No More,' Naked Women, and Stubborn Twenty-Somethings

Last Saturday, I experienced something amazing. A woman I have never met came up to me in a run down hotel, grabbed my hand, and forced me to run with her up two flights of stairs before stopping in front of her bathtub and undressing to complete nudity. She then said I smelled odd and noted my soft skin before falling backwards in the tub and washing off blood from her body, (she claimed the blood had come from two recent murders her husband had committed). Being gay, I was a bit shocked to have a naked woman inches away, telling me how soft my hands were. The blood and murders, however, were not shocking at all: her name was Lady Macbeth.

Punchdrunk, a British theater company, has transformed three abandoned New York City warehouses into "The McKittrick Hotel" for an avant-garde rendition of Shakespeare's Macbeth in a production entitled Sleep No More. This piece of interactive theater has been widely praised by most everyone who has seen it, and I couldn't agree more. The theater company, made up of one speaking actress, (my own captor, Lady Macbeth), and about a dozen other dancing actors, races around the five floors carrying out the scenes of Macbeth, anachronistically and simultaneously. No single person will see the entire play from beginning to end, it's designed specifically to avoid that, but, by repeating the production three times over three hours for each audience, each participant in the string of murders can see enough to piece together the great Shakespearean tragedy.

Audience members, which, as I have used above, are more like participants, must wear masks and choose which rooms and haunts they wish to view. Some may spend three hours perusing the 1920's era books in the library, others may spend the majority of their night listening to old time jazz. Still others will witness Macduff's prophesied birth in a naked blood orgy accompanied by witches, warlocks, strobe lights, and house music. You decide. That's why it's genius.

Beyond the novelty that each participant must actively engage in their viewing in order to fully enjoy it, the production is simply beautiful. Because the production avoids speech for the most part, the actors rely on their settings, dance, the audience, and simply facial expressions to move the play along. Some of the most satisfying moments come when one off vignettes conflate into beautiful scenes such as a waltz of eight characters on the ballroom floor, or the murder of Banquo in an old saloon. A working knowledge of the play is beneficial, given very little dialogue occurs, but not essential. The play relies fully on emotion, mood, and insanity to convey the tragedy. If anything, after viewing the production, you will run to the closest used book store, purchase a copy of Macbeth and try to understand why all these trees kept getting closer and closer to the castle.

After my viewing, which ended in me breathless, (both by the performance and the endless running), I had the opportunity to meet a friend of a friend who had also seen it. His views on the play were much different than mine. He despised the use of the term 'revolutionary' to describe what he had seen, as many professional critics had done in their reviews. The play was nothing more than a farce of theater, he claimed, abandoning chairs but not actually involving the audience into the plot as he felt true interactive theater should do. We went back and forth on the issue, each of us unwilling to concede our points, until finally we compromised on alternative definitions of "interactive." I felt interactive was anything that put the audience past the fourth wall, he felt interactive was anything where the audience became an additional character in the production.

In any case, Sleep No More, has become somewhat of a phenomenon. It has been extended multiple times and has drawn in well known celebrities as participants. Lured by the requirement that all must remain masked, the production has become a sort of masquerade ball of old times past where all different walks of life partake in the same entertainment, no one knowing who is there sharing the experience. I hope to see more productions follow suit. Who knows, maybe it will even move over to the West Coast so I don't have to take a plane to see it.

For more information on purchasing tickets, click here: http://sleepnomorenyc.com/

Book Review: Dash and Lily's Book of Dares

David Levithan and Rachel Cohn have done it again: an exciting novel based in Manhattan following a romantically liberal pair of high school students as they woo each other through a series of larger than life stunts. Yes, this is the third installment in the loosely connected series beginning with Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, continuing with Ely and Naomi's No Kiss List, and, now, Dash and Lily's Book of Dares. The paired authors certainly have a talent for pulling off extremely witty, extremely romantic stories. But, this time around I couldn't help hearing the publishers calling out from each page, "if it's not broken, don't try to fix it!"

Before we get to that, here's the premise. Dash and Lily are two unrelated sixteen year old kids who have been left home alone for the holidays: Dash convinced each of his divorced parents that he was spending Christmas vacation at the others' house while Lily was abandoned by her professorial parents as they flew off to Fiji. With loneliness mounting, Lily decides to plant a notebook in one of her favorite bookstores, the Strand, with a set of off the wall instructions for anyone who should find it to follow. Lo and behold, Dash, our hero, finds the book, and the two strike up an unconventional romance as they lead each other around the city through back and forth entries into the red Moleskin.

In the midst of the two love birds' gallivanting, the story tackles a number of themes including idealism vs. realism, commercialism, what it means to be caring, and even substance abuse to a certain degree, though these topics certainly take a back seat to the story's lighthearted romantic-comedy flare. Like its predecessors, Dash and Lily holds our two wise teenagers up against a host of unique personalities ranging from vulgar to vicious while they try to make sense of their budding adulthood. In the end, the story accomplishes painting a wonderful New York City winter landscape full of twists and turns along the way.

All these great strengths aside, and believe me when I say I loved reading this book, I can't help but think that these characters are starting to become a little bit repetitive. The formula, essentially, consists of having the main characters present a compilation of artistic/literary knowledge and having the love interest meet on the common grounds of the humanities, all the while being insanely well versed for high school students. Hey, I love it and as I said above, if it's not broken, don't fix it.

However, I know that Levithan/Cohn have the ability to develop these characters further without simply finding more and more unique settings and circumstances to place them into. For high school students reading the book, having a string of similar characters probably isn't even an issue. The recurrence of these archetypical adolescent wonder children may also be indicative of the publishers' desire to stay safe on a known winner; who knows, they may also be hoping to land another movie deal, but while I was reading I couldn't help but think I was reading a second version of Nick and Norah, with the characters changing names and hobbies but otherwise being the same. In all reality, I'm just dying to see how the two authors would face a more mature character set, possibly in their early twenties.To be fair, Bruce the Second in Ely and Naomi, really began to break out of the mold, bringing in a crisis of self-identity. In fact, Ely and Naomi overall felt like Levithan/Cohn's style was evolving away from the entertaining but simple love story of Nick and Norah.

This is probably why I even bring it up at all: I thought I might get to see my desires for that no man's land of 18-30 years old on the pages of this new installation (which I fully understand would knock the novel out of the all important YA classification). Instead, what I got was a very entertaining, very endearing love story in the vein of Nick and Norah, but hey, I certainly don't think that's anything to complain about. I highly recommend this book, especially as we enter the winter holidays.

3 Reasons Why "Anonymous" was not "Amadeus"

With the release of the movie Anonymous today, directed by Roland Emmerich and based on the fringe theory that William Shakespeare did not, in fact, pen any of his many great pieces of English literature, I decided to fork over my matinee showing fee, hoping for a great conspiracy. This model of piquing movie goers' interests with tabloid-esque story lines of classic art celebrities has worked before, certainly, on me. For instance, even though I came late to the viewership, I fell in love with Mozart all over again last month when I saw the 1987 Oscar winning movie, Amadeus. Like Anonymous, Amadeus followed a historically dubious story line -- that one based on a heated jealousy between Mozart and his musical peer, Salieri. A complete plot synopsis can be found here, but, suffice it to say, the movie did wonders not only for Mozart but for Salieri as well, boosting both composers' operatic works up the chains of the popular opera performance repertoire. Disappointingly, I don't foresee any similar spike coming to Shakespeare after this film. (Thankfully, I also don't think Shakespeare has anything to worry about regarding popularity.) Here are three reasons why I don't think Anonymous lived up to its potential.

1. Poor Storytelling
At first, the framed narrative of Anonymous resembles Amadeus with a modern day actor reading off the tragedy's prelude. We learn that Shakespeare's life is not as it has been taught to us, but rather, political undercurrents from centuries ago have kept the truth of Shakespeare's identity concealed. The movie flashes back to Elizabethan England where, immediately, the film's potential begins to unravel. Storytelling is performed like hopscotch, transitioning among at least three distinct periods of Queen Elizabeth's life over a dozen times throughout the movie. Subplots supporting the legitimacy of the fringe theory are glossed over in rushed vignettes. We learn that Queen Elizabeth's court may have had great importance in concealing Shakespeare's identity, but we never truly feel it. That was the magic in Amadeus: not only did we believe Salieri's sinister intentions happened, we wanted to, we wanted to repaint history with our own modern brush. When we moved back and forth in Amadeus, it was only back to the narrator, keeping the series of events easily organized. At times in Anonymous, it felt the cumbersome storytelling actually attempted to hide the failings of the plot itself, keeping the viewer second guessing what was happening just to keep them intrigued. Whatever the case, the story could have benefited from a simpler chronological approach.

2. Poor Dialogue
Secondly, aside from the performance of Rhys Ifans as the Earl of Oxford and Vanessa Redgrave as Queen Elizabeth, the acting and dialogue in the movie simply did not carry the grandeur of their subject. Multiple times throughout the showing, my theater's audience openly laughed at intense scenes simply because it was not clear whether the actors and screenwriters were attempting drama... or melodrama. The portrayal of the British poor verged on parody, with every pub scene about to erupt in "99 Beers on the wall" while the royalty's two dimensional puritanism got boring far too quickly. To put it differently, I was looking for more of this and less of this. Ok, so that may be a little too exaggerated, but essentially, I was not drawn in to the Elizabethan world that the movie could have taken me to. Instead, the film came off as a feeble attempt to depict dreary England through worn out cliches. In Amadeus, even despite the fact that Mozart and many others had no accent of any kind, speaking in full American argot, the Viennese culture seeped out of each scene. I felt the struggle among the King's royal composers, Leopold's desire to see his son return home, and the pain in Mozart's wife Constanze as he slips into insanity. The movie was about the character development more than plot, and the actors delivered. Again, in Anonymous, that seemed lacking.

3. Poor Interweaving of Original Works into the Film
Lastly, and most importantly, Anonymous failed to effectively intertwine the works of the subject, i.e. Shakespeare's plays, into the storyline. Now, for those of you who rush out to the theater to prove me wrong, I will admit that there were two distinct times where the plot relied heavily on the plays, and those two times were possibly the peaks of the film. In fact, if the screenwriters had chosen to end their interweaving there, I may have been more pleased. Instead, however, the audience is bombarded with references to plays that have no bearing on the film, at one point seeing a series of five or so plays listed off within a minute. I could just hear the screenwriters (and, again, the audience members) saying to themselves, "I know that play! I know that one! This is believable now because he mentioned Romeo and Juliet!" In Amadeus, the inclusion of "The Marriage of Figaro," "The Magic Flute," "Don Giovanni," and of course, "Requiem" were integral in telling the story. We felt the composer's inner turmoil as he struggles to produce them for his both the ghost of his father and his benefactor. Here, in Anonymous, however, the works feel like mandatory accessories that need to find their way onto the screen. What little we do see into the author's writing process is nice, but not enough. How this blunder could have happened, when the material to work with is a collection of the best English plays ever written, is incomprehensible. In the end, this slip up became the overriding factor in my disappointment as I never felt I was watching a Shakespearean play, just a movie about Shakespeare.

Ok, because you got through that with me, I'll briefly state some things that I did happen to enjoy. First, the costumes, particularly those of Queen Elizabeth, were dazzling. She was a delight every time she appeared on the screen. Second, the movie ends well. I am even more demanding on movie endings than other parts because a movie's ending provides the sentiment with which it ushers you out the door. I felt they did a good job wrapping up the storyline, even throwing in some unexpected twists. Lastly, the performances of both Rhys Ifans and Vanessa Redgrave, as alluded before, were enjoyable and certainly kept the film from fully sinking. In the end, however, these tidbits were unable to make up for the general underwhelming production. I'd give it a C+ or B-.

Five Steps to Coming Out!

First thing's first, "the Twitter" is as funny as "my Myspace..." and that's why I use it exclusively when referring to our great modern meat processor of digital quote sharing.  Ok.  The Twitter is actually sort of fun, I'll admit.  For instance, tonight, I was told that there was a "Twitter Chat" regarding Gay YA characters and how they come out either before or during a book's series of events (shout out to Mom at writofwhimsy.blogspot.com for telling me of the event!!!!).  For the digitally challenged among us, myself often included in this grouping, a "Twitter Chat" is essentially a group of Tweeters'  attempt to turn The Twitter into a gigantic forum, akin to the AOL group chats of yore.  The mood is somewhat chaotic, somewhat defensive, somewhat jockeying, but, overall, energetic. Within minutes of joining and proceeding through an around-the-circle introduction of the participants (not to mention some technical reconfigurations on my end), we were talking about the continuing need for the "coming out" story among LGBT teenagers, the stereotypical characterization (or not) of Tiny in Green/Levithan's Will Grayson, Will Grayson, an apparent need for LGBT characters of color, politically active queer characters, and most likely a handful of other topics lost in the melee.

Overall, I found the firestorm of comments enlightening.  For one, there were many straight authors/readers who were genuinely interested in learning about the nuances of gay characters, specifically making them authentic while avoiding the label of stereotypical.  It was also enjoyable seeing books being referred to that I have read myself, as well as the mini critiques and reviews that the participants had of them.  From the glimpse into the industry through this online microcosm, I can tell that there are certainly a market of readers who enjoy this topic and a wealth of authors ready to feed their interests.

So what do I think of the actual prompt for the conversation, i.e. having gay characters come out either pre-story or during story (not to mention the option of post-story which a certain aspiring author may be incorporating...)?  Well here is a short list of attributes of "coming out" for a gay person that I think are somewhat universal for an author to consider, specifically, whether he/she wants to include the range of emotions and trials associated with them.

1. Coming out internally may be the most important realization to a gay person up to that point in his/her life.
When I say "internally" here, I literally mean a person being able to think to themselves, "yeah I'm gay" or at least, "yeah, I think I am not entirely straight."  It takes a lot for a person, especially with difficult and strict upbringings, to even go to this place in their head...and many people don't for a very long time or at all.  Despite what any gay activist person tells you, our society is still run with heterosexuality as the "norm" or "default."  Because of this, when a person is willing to go to this place in their head, it inevitably (for some amount of time, at least) leads to....

2. A sense of "different" or "outcast" after internally coming out. 
Now, here is where I might get some difference of opinion.  I know many people who have grown up knowing they are gay and have said they never felt any sense of judgment, stigma, or ridicule.  For these people, I say, be thankful.  But to them, I will also say that even if no one ever said anything derogatory, there is simply some level of "us" and "them" that occurs, even if "them" are very, very, nice, accepting people.  This is why X-Men and most comic books sell so well with young gay males, we like the sense that these individuals have some ostracization from society.  In the worst cases, fire, brimstone, excommunication, and eternal damnation provide that subtle wall between "us" and "them." In any situation, the manual for growing up gay is still being chartered, and until recently, was nowhere to be found in media.

3. The dreaded "closet."
This period technically occurs in time with number two above, although it may continue indefinitely, even after any sense of difference or outcast has dissolved away.  As most people know, it's a time where people keep the secret to themselves, even when the entire world knows (see Anderson Cooper).  For the most part, this period in a gay individual's life is also where lookers-on will garner the information they need for the always entertaining "I always knew, you idiot" when the person actually does come out. It can be a painful time though, producing multiple faces for different crowds, duplicity, internal loathing, explosions of emotional turmoil, etc.  Nowadays, I would say that this period has been significantly decreased in duration from the lifetime of closethood of actors like Rock Hudson or Cary Grant.

4. The secret coming out
I don't think I have ever heard of an individual coming out to every single person he or she knows at once, in one single public service announcement.  It just doesn't happen.  Instead, we rely on our best girlfriends, guy friends, moms, dads, aunts, teachers, counselors, or even the insanely romantic, first love interest to tell someone else in the world that we are gay.  From there, we process the reaction (hopefully, if the person has been chosen strategically, the reaction will be favorable), and, usually, this one confidant helps us move forward in telling more people.

5. The public coming out
After we have waited for the coagulation of brain matter to subside after realizing we're gay, feeling like we have no place in society, and actually vocalizing this to another individual, we begin accepting what this might look like on a grander scale...after we get past the damn drama.  As stated in the Twitter Chat, this stage really never ends.  I have probably come out about thirty times in my life to different peers, coworkers, etc, but that first time is always different.  Often it's not planned, scheduled or even independently administered.  Often it's brought on as self-acceptance grows and comments, mannerisms, demeanor, and worldviews change to the point that someone says, "hey, you know what, I never thought about this, but are you gay?" "Why yes, best friend, I am."   At that point, things spread, people ask for confirmation, guys come up to you for your number, girls ask to go shopping, Facebook begins posting ads for skimpy Australian swimwear, and you get "The Big Book of Being Gay" in the mail (I wish on the last one).

After that, CONGRATULATIONS! You're "out," officially!  Authors have to ask themselves, is this an event in the life of my character that I want to even delve into?  It could take a chapter or three or twenty...and maybe that's not the story you want to tell.  Maybe you want to jump in midstream, or to the part where they begin repeating "yes I'm gay" like a one phrase Tickle Me Elmo. That's really up to the author. But I do agree with my fellow Gay YA twitter chat members that this arc will certainly hold an important part in young LGBT people's lives for a good amount of time into the future.

Carpe Cafe

As a brief update: I am still alive, though this blog may have been in a state of coma for the last five months. But, during that time I wrote a book. So there.

Now then. I have easily spent the majority of my non work/non sleeping time at cafes recently, and, one of the things that always gets me is the quantity of cringe worthy conversations I hear from my fellow patrons. I'm not meaning to be outright judgmental...although I can be, if you wanted, regardless, I'm sorry, but the inclusion of the assertion that "I'm not like most people," anytime, in any context, is inexcusable. I don't care if your passion for the Toms charitable business structure comes from a place of seeing good Samaritanism "brought down to where people actually know what they're giving someone on the other side of the world" or if you consider yourself a quasi opponent of non profits because of their inefficiencies, YOU DON'T KNOW "EVERYONE" SO DON'T MAKE THAT ASSERTION, EVER.

Anywho. Now that I got that out of my system. I'm hoping to begin posting once a week, to demonstrate my connection with other human beings through the use of modern technology. They may not be long, or that might be, I don't know. We'll see. That's all for now.

My Writing Journey

If only planes were better suited for writing. Or... maybe, if only I had the discipline to write at cruising altitude instead of plugging into my iPod, spying on my neighbor's text messages or trying for the Nth time to actually sleep on a plane. Wasn't the idea of the mobile office amazing with the advent of smartphones, laptops, and the internet back in the day? You wouldn't have to stop working, you could just take your work with you! In the car? Get a car phone! On the plane? Pull out the laptop! Stuck somewhere in the middle of the N's at a boring high school graduation ceremony? Thumb through your emails thinking you can get some quality work in but instead just check the news, or some stupid jokes your coworkers sent you!

Now, aside from the fact that I fall into all those categories with my actual job (Lord knows there is no way accounting is going to enchant me enough to open up the ol' excel spreadsheets between the in flight beverage services), I do feel guilty that I haven't been able to keep up with my blogging, which sometimes feels like my second job, as much as I had hoped. San Francisco, Las Vegas, San Francisco, Denver, Houston, Austin...and, as of today, perhaps London...are travel destinations that I have visited or will have visited in the 2 month period that began on May 3rd. For a guy that loves to travel but unfortunately hasn't had the chance to, this has been a stimulus overload.

Each time I tell myself I'm going to be more productive, often accompanied by extra, strategic packing like books I've been meaning to read, or the addition of my personal computer on top of my work computer to more easily access the internet. And, each time, I end up soaking in the much needed sunlight at my destinations or finding a new local bar I can phone home about.

I've been traveling mainly for training at work, and extending the weekends into mini vacations. It's a great opportunity to essentially travel on the company's dollar and find some friends to crash with in the various cities once the hotel you booked for work kicks you out.

Although I wasn't able to keep up my blogging recently, I was thankfully able to keep the lives of my characters going and even started having my closest of critics (my mother and good friend from college) read my rough draft. The feedback has been great; I feel like I'm beta testing a new product. Hopefully once I get some of the kinks worked out I can share my story with more people and work up some excitement.

That's all I have now, thanks for reading and hopefully when I leave for my next trip....tomorrow...I'll get caught up with all this blogging business again! Or, we can just say this counts for the next couple weeks :D

It's been a while

Sorry about that. Things have been good though, busy and mobile, but good. I am trucking away at my rough draft, trying to refine my first few chapters to be ready for critique from various willing parties. I hope to update more frequently. Look for more soon :)

30,436!

That's the number of words in my first official rough draft! I apologize for the delayed postings, with the writing that I have been doing and the busier work schedule I have fallen into during the day, it has become difficult to post as frequently. I am so excited, however, about this new accomplishment because it means I get to start revising! And boy do I need it!

I have been rereading a few chapters and they are just bad, BAD. I hope I can figure out the best strategies to ramp up the quality and hopefully after fleshing out a lot more of the story I can hit my 55,000ish word mark. I'll keep you posted as I get closer and closer.

Step 2

I took a leap.

With the amount of writing that I am doing and the amount of time that I am devoting to my text, I figured I should probably make sure it's any good. It would suck to spend so much of your life pursuing something that you totally, invariably suck at. Yes. That would be no bueno.

So. I decided to join a writing group. I'm meeting them on Thursday. We're going to see if there is chemistry. I'm holding back my emotions, and my actual writing, for now, and am going to give my criticism and comments on their works. Ideally, if things work out, we'll meet again next month, 15 pages of written work in my hand, and totally ready for the red ink. Wish me luck.

The Escalation

This weekend was a very productive one for my writing. Not only am I beginning to learn how I write as a method and process, I am beginning to see what areas need improving and forming strategies to tackle those areas. For instance, today I hit 20,000 words on my text and I'm excited to see it coming towards the the peak of the plot. However, I am rereading my work and finding that I leave out large parts of description, or that the reading pace is wrong for the given scene. I'm both excited and nervous to begin revising possibly within the next three weeks but I am also trying to figure out why I can't hear the breaks in narrative while I write it. I'm sure that this just comes with time and will become easier as I progress.

I'm also excited to begin reading Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist a book that resembles my plot in terms of real-time or near real-time story telling. You may have seen the movie and recall that the entire story takes place in one night. I'm also looking forward to casually beginning Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets. My goal is to have them all read before the last movie comes out. Do you think I can finish the remaining 6 books within 2 and a half months??? I'm thinking that shouldn't be too difficult.

Book Review: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Yes, it is with mixed emotions that I review J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Why would I do such a thing, fifteen years after being released, and after millions of people have already read it? Well, for one, I like critiquing and it is the most recent book I read. Two, I think it's important, personally, to see what it is about this book that has so enchanted its readers (pun totally intended).

So, of course the book follows a young boy who thinks he's a muggle but really he's a wizard and his parents are dead and he goes to a big magical school and he's a bit of a prankster and he makes friends and finds out mysteries and wins games on broomsticks. Now that we got that out of the way...

The style of this book is PRO READER in every sense, as if offering up continual bounties with each page. The sentences are simple, light-hearted, and fairy tale-esque. The characters are archtypical, easily categorized. The plot is fun, easy to follow, and provides some sort of surprise each chapter. But most of all, the entire Harry Potter Universe is our own, simply amplified.

I think this is the real key. It's as if J.K. Rowling has taken the sensation we have when, every blue moon, we decide to buy a lottery ticket and bottled it up to sprinkle on the pages. We read the story of a lonely child longing to have a better life, and when he finds it, he discovers that every single childhood fantasy is real. We constantly ask ourselves, whether we know it or not, what if that was real? What if I could fly on broomsticks? This boy came from a "muggle" family, what if I'm a wizard too? In that sense, the story is not so much a "fantasy" as it is an "augmented reality." Obviously, there is a bit of this in every fantasy, but here we don't have to start off accepting a new world or new behaviors or new circumstances. Yes there are trolls and ghosts, but we know what trolls and ghosts and unicorns are. But even more, we know what it feels like to be in the first day of class, yet this book takes that feeling and throws in the ability to become invisible and make fires appear from magic wands. The closeness to reality really makes this book approachable.

Having said that, I really felt there was a lack of character development. Characters didn't really grow on me as they simply kept reaffirming, more and more evidently, the stereotypes which they had been born into. Yes, we all had the genius girl classmate who was smarter than us and that upset us. And yes the characters grew and matured through the book, but that's not real character development. I didn't feel the change I just saw it. And unfortunately the times I did feel I was getting closer to characters, the methods used were plot driven. Hopefully this changes in her later books which, all in all, I'm excited to read.

I feel this book is also a great gateway book to other fantasies. I am dying to read the Lord of the Ring trilogy and compare writing styles (knowing full well they are leagues apart). It will be interesting to see how two very different authors were both able to entertain so many readers.

10 x 10

Today was a downer, I came down with sore throat 2.0, apparently last week's version was insufficient. Still, the day job must go on! But, after a sleepless night I had barely any energy today to read, let alone, write. I did get some diagramming of my text's plot and development down though, I think I have made some good progress using "The Snowflake Method" as discussed here ---> CLICK ME!!!! (note that the diagramming and the snowflake method are distinct from one another, the diagramming, however, was useful for me after using the snowflake method nonetheless).

In other news, I saw in Twitterland that Writer's Digest posted a contest to see who can write the top ten best poems using a rather clunky structure: 10 lines of 10 syllables. See here --> CLICK ME TOO!!! Being the go getter that I am....I decided to take a stab at it. See here:

Sunriver, 1997

The Summer had warned with her painted art,

Yet we failed to note the crimson brush strokes.

The cracked gold hay and milkweed in our hands

had kept us there wrapped up in that moment,

My barefoot brothers had turned stones into

Ships and cannons on the dark water’s edge.

And then, “all heed the signs we’ve been given!”

As they hoisted their arms to the heavens;

The stars had replaced the scarlet canvas.

And we raced home: three boys and three captains.

-Kevin Zimmerman

Also...Pictures of the fam!

Book Review: "Will Grayson, Will Grayson"

I'm excited to post my first book review on an excellent young adult fiction, Will Grayson, Will Grayson, a collaboration by David Levithan and John Green; I'm pretty sure that as my first book to review here on Moving Metaphor, I have been very spoiled.

Will Grayson, Will Grayson follows the lives of two boys, each named Will Grayson, as they meander their way into an understanding of mature friendships, relationships, loves and heartbreaks. The story is told uniquely, with the point of view and first person narration shifting between the two Wills chapter by chapter. The first Will Grayson we meet is regimented, straight, from an affluent household and lives under the massive shadow (literally) of his ironically named friend, Tiny Cooper. The second Will Grayson we meet struggles with depression, is gay, lives meagerly with his single mom and is infatuated with his online boyfriend, Isaac. The two Wills' lives remain detached for the first few chapters but then collide suddenly in the middle of a Chicago porn shop. I won't say anymore because, really, the entire book is so entertaining both on an emotional and humorous level that each scene should be left untouched.

Overall, I am extremely happy to know that books like this exist. The world that Levithan and Green create is raw: we learn about the sex lives of most all of the major characters in high school and we are presented gay and straight characters who are not perfect, in any way, who struggle with both stereotypical and atypical issues of their times. It is candid: the voice used by both Wills is dripping with profanities, sarcasm and digital abbreviations and we see high school students being, well, high school students flirting with the law and the consequences thereof. But, the story is also larger than life, like the confocal character, Tiny, who decides to turn his entire life into a fabulous musical. The melange of rawness, candor, and hyperbole make the story rich with flavor and variety and in the end you truly feel you have journeyed with the characters and have learned a little more about love (and even "capital L" Love).

I highly recommend this book, if nothing else, for the laughs. Know going in however, that it is on the "edgier" side of young adult fiction so if you enjoy your pristine image of high schoolers running through forests and lying under the sun (with a solid two feet of distance between reproductive organs) then you might want to avoid this one. Or, you could loosen up a bit and have a lot of fun too.

Revising

Yesterday was a great day for me: I finished a 2 month long stint doing contract work at my day job and am now look forward to a change of pace. Hopefully, the shift in hours/responsibilities can open up new ideas for me and also provide me with a similar spurring of creative output.

In the same vein, I decided to spend today (Saturday, which happens to be my day most conducive for writing) revisiting the text I'm working on and incorporating an organization method I found to outline the plot, character development, etc. It has been a great exercise to really dig deep into the components of the story and see it unfold in my mind. It's great when you "uncover" what your character is thinking in certain situations like there could be no other reality. I hope the prep work (which obviously I should have done before starting) turns out to be beneficial.

Oh, and there's lots of coffee.

Restaurant Week

In Seattle, it's "Restaurant Week!" The ironically named event is eight days spread out over two weeks where the best restaurants provide three course meals for under $30 to attract new patrons who are curious what Seattle's cuisine scene has to offer. Last night, my miniature partner in crime and roommate, Tina Rozul, and I decided to check out Place Pigalle (pictured).

It was a wonderfully quaint French restaurant situated behind Pike's Place Market overlooking the Puget Sound. I would highly recommend it to anyone looking for an intimate setting over an extended meal with wine. It made both of us think of "The Windmill" from Amelie and we inevitably reminisced on our shared French experiences.

I hope to post more pictures from other restaurants we find out; Seattle is an endless source for great eating spots! Also, stay tuned for updates on my writing, new ideas for stories continue to distract me from my daily tasks, which is warmly welcomed!

A midnight memory

"Her words were soft"

Her words were soft, fragile, and tender.

They travelled to me as if cargo in a sheep’s saddle bags:

Hardly heavier than the plush wool of their courier.

But no less valued.

They seemed to ring with a visible echo,

Or so my ears heard.

Like a pixie heralding the arrival of morning dew,

She whispered,

“May I ask you something?”

Her words were precise, resounding, and decisive.

With a touch to the keystone they dismantled me,

As if years became days, and all a guise,

Having the gall to lilt lazily before falling.

Like leaves which vowed life everlasting,

Now lying, lying under colorless limbs.

Yet, the sound of her voice was calming.

“What were you missing from the Lord?”

My armory could find nothing,

So cunning, grand, and subduing,

As the barrage of attacks it had seen.

Nor did it want to.

It surrendered, “nothing,

But the Lord was not mine.”

-Kevin Zimmerman

For all the poets out there, here is another poem of mine. This poem captures a brief five minute conversation I had with someone very close to me and the unbelievable weight I felt getting through it. I remembered this conversation stayed rattling around in my mind for some time, even after I was forced to put it into poetry to try to settle the spirit. I hope it conveys some of the feeling I felt that very memorable day.

All Rights Reserved.

On the Lighter Side

After yesterday's novella of a post, I thought I would shorten up today's and post a fun, Sunday afternoon poem I had written a couple weeks back. Comments and criticisms are very welcome! (This one was mainly just for my own humor though, not too deep.)

"The Month Of May"

By chance if you have seen my mate,

Perhaps beneath your dinner plate,

Or striking up a lengthy tale,

While drinking with the head of state,

Please could you ask him for his name,

In print, upon the card the same,

Provided in the month of May,

Last year, the birth of endless shame?

That month, I fail to undertake,

That pesky chore for hunger’s sake,

The edifice and with its place

The fire atop the birthday cake.

For, on that day I do restrain

From building such a sight profane,

That lest I ever find a male,

He does not take me as insane.

-Kevin Zimmerman

Drawing from Experience

So, as I previously mentioned, I like to retell stories. There's something that I find exhilarating about taking a true story and turning it into a shared memory "based on a true story." Whereas, creating a story from scratch may be the song, spinning a yarn is the remix. I like to exaggerate the emotions of my friends and enemies, gloss over the lulls and force people to the punchline before they can tell that they're laughing; create a world that may have existed and superimpose it over the one that certainly did. But, in order to retell stories, I need my source material.

I'm currently working on a book that I have tentatively labeled an LGBT YA fiction. It is more or less a hyper detailed look at the climax of two young boys' rite of passage into the gay world, i.e. "coming out." For inspiration, I'm reading "Will Grayson, Will Grayson," a collaborative work in the same or a similar genre by John Green and David Levithan which, after just the first few chapters, I have already started recommending to my gay and straight friends. For me, the characters in my book take on traits and perform actions that I have both experienced myself and have seen transpire around me. It's as therapeutic as it is artistic, to recreate the world that I wish I could have lived in, or at least the world that I would like to have people remember.

And with that, I write this to say that instead of punching my clock sitting at the laptop after work today, writing out another chapter for my text, I decided to take a field trip of sorts. On the whim of my friend (pictured), we decided to scoff at the notion of a weekday and hit up a new Japanese Karaoke Bar just put into Capitol Hill, Seattle. Just for fun. Just because.

We had just gotten done with a little girl chat over some cheap Asian Fusion (read: we don't know how else to incorporate hamburgers, Talapia and pho onto the same menu) and decided the night wasn't over yet. As we stumbled up towards a bar where regrettably we have become regulars, we noticed a swanky window displaying the tell tale swanky vertical wood paneling of a for sure swanky bar. We decided to ditch the usual and waltz in, not knowing what The Rock Box would contain.

Sure enough, it was a bar for drunk, loud, obnoxious, vain, people to sing like, yes, that song was about them. And that we did. At the top of our (recently recovered strep) throats, we were belting out Top 40 hits like it was no one's business (while simultaneously proving that it would never be our business). If those walls could talk, they probably would have been judging us.

Katy Perry? Yes. Rihanna? Yes. Natalia Imbruglia's Torn?... unfortunately...yes. It was like being a rock star, ON A MONDAY! We left, emboldened, sore, and with a new weapon in our arsenal against weekend monotony.

All of this to say that despite not making "progress" on my text tonight, I stumbled upon a McNugget of a story that I'm fully ready to chew on. I've already begun thinking of ways I could incorporate it, the bar, the Monday caprice, the horrible song selection, more fully, into a larger story.

What do you think? How do you best incorporate your own experiences into your works?

Step 1

Hello! Welcome to "Moving Metaphor," where after 24 years, I decided to do something that my mother suggested.

This blog will be following my creative endeavors while I strive to become a reputable author, poet, lyricist and/or any other label I decide to pursue. Writing has always been a passion of mine, although it has always also been laden with a feeling of impossibility. However, after the prodding of my family, friends, and even online acquaintances I have decided to pursue writing properly and see what may come.

What can you expect from this blog? If it becomes an extension of my personality, you'll be intaking large amounts of snark, wit, poetics, and religious commentary. I am a people watcher, first and foremost, and I love to reconstitute my sights into appealing stories. You may read examples of what I'm working on and be asked to comment. Hopefully, this blog will become a launching pad to my works. All of this and more!

What should you not expect from this blog? Working a demanding day job, this blog may not be updated as often as it should. My goal, currently, is to add a post five times a week, but will strive for daily entries if possible. I hope you don't mind.

I am still deciding how to present myself in this medium so bear with me as the format, themes, etc. change to better reflect my intentions. All in all, I hope you enjoy walking with me as I dissect my surroundings, and my own peculiar, evolving situation, on Moving Metaphor.